fuck your aforementioned shoe
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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