Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
