happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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