If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
