My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
