who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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