Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
