Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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