I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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