She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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