I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
