Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
