Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
