Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
