how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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