Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
