I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
