His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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