So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
