Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
