Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
