what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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