So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
