So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
