I just saw a hot homeless man
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
