And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
