Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I sprained my soul last night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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