so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
