Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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