I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
