Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
