gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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