last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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