she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
