You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
