I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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