george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
