did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
