We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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