proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
