When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
