bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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