It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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