i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
