Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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