if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
