Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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