My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
