Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
