I think i peed on brittanys purse
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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