Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
