well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
