So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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